

Well, I went to Drewapos;s house tonight and told him that we canapos;t be friends anymore. I didnapos;t even cry when I left. I thought I would have. I think if he is never going to give�me another chance, there is no point in making myself so emotionally vulnerable to him. I have been friends with my exapos;s before. I just canapos;t be friends with Drew. Itapos;s different with him. I love him in a different way than Iapos;ve loved anyone else. So, if there is no future, then there will be no present with him anymore.
What brought me to this decision is; I was looking for suicide methods last night. I found one much better than the one I originally tried. I got myself so worked up. I went to work in a blur. I canapos;t remember much of the drive there. All that was on my mind was....when and where am I going to do it. I took a mental list of things I needed.�Anyways, I started working, and kept thinking. Then, a light went off in my head. It was like all of those awful thoughts instantly went away. Someoneapos;s name came in my head. I canapos;t say whoapos;s name it is, but it saved me.��I heard the whispers of HOPE for a beautiful future. I will find another man who loves me for me. Someone who I can be myself around and not be ashamed. Someday, I will be happy again. My life is too precious to lose it over some guy. It may hurt right now, unbearably bad at times, but I will not take my life.
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